he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
