Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
