So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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