True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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