When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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