Just cropdusted the office
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
