I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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