some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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