I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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