Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
