Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
