I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
