he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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