Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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