we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
