I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
