dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
