My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
