Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
