I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
