He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize