so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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