Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
