just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
