Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
