Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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