Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
