Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
