He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
