i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
