so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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