I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
