Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
