I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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