I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
