Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She told me I should be a condom model.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just gargled with NyQuil
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize