toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
