So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize