apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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