Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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