Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
