so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
