come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
