12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
True college students do jello shots in the library
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
