i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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