i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
