It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
