hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
