if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
