i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
