My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
