I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
