And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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