the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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