so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
