After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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