WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
