I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
