he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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