you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
should my penis look like a turkey
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
did i walk over a car last night?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
